he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
