My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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