why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So many bounce houses so little time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
