Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
