I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
