The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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