This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
