She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
