All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
