had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
