I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
