If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
