I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So many bounce houses so little time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
