I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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