On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
