I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
