Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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