what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize