Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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