So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
