I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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