Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
