I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
