It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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