Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
