I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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