Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two words: blizzard sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
