We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize