you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
