all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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