How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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