i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
