Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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