It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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