Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ruined the universe
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
