Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
