my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
