I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
