What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
