I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize