Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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