u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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