Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she peed on how many people?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
