smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize