Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
