I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
