I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What drink are we having for lunch?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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