Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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