even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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