i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize