walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that's an acceptable place to lick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
