xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
