Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
