THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
