How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
