Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
