Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize