My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
