guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
