I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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