A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
