Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
