yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
