Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
