OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
try to milk me bitch
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