there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm always down for nudity.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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