We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
