member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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