im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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