I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
