There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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