Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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