dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
