Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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