Don't make out with my wife yet
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
