ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
