How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
