Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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