did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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