Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
