God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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