Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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