and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
