They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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