if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
