Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
