i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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