Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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