you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
