Is it normal to miss your booty call?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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