I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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