you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
