Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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