a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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