Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
third nipple confirmed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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