Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
