i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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