if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
